Category Archive

Or maybe I’m not normal, but my homocysteine levels are!  5-15 is the normal range, with elevation being the concern.  Mine are 5.3!!!

I don’t have time for a proper blog post but I wanted to update, for anyone following.  Not only does this mean I can most likely have a relatively normal and uneventful second pregnancy, but this means that it is most likely not my fault that Sabine ran out of amniotic fluid & was so small.  It was most likely a fluke.  I did not do a disservice to my child.  And that means more than anything in the world to me.

If you have a dog and aren’t familiar with Dr. Ian Dunbar, well, you should get acquainted with him. He’s super smart and his training techniques have helped us a lot with our pups. One of the things he has an interesting perspective on is biting – or rather, bite inhibition. His philosophy is that mouthing in puppies is common and puppies must learn how to appropriately use their mouths, as well as the strength behind their teeth.

“Mouthing” in toddlers is also common … although for slightly different reasons. Toddlers often bite when they’re frustrated and haven’t learned how to properly express or handle that frustration. At least that’s what we’ve all read, right? I can safely say I’ve been bitten by my toddler far more times than I’ve been bitten by my dogs. Or other people’s dogs, for that matter. We’re pretty much at a 3:5819081901108 ratio, here.

Anyway, Sabine has recently been in a biting spell. I don’t really know exactly how it started. All I know is that, one day I was folding laundry and Sabine was throwing clothing everywhere. I asked Brandon to come get her out of the middle of the pile of clothes. When he picked her up, she shrieked and latched onto his shoulder. Not cool, right? He let out a scream and, honestly, I’m surprised he managed to not drop her … because his body went one way in shock, hers went another way in shock, and they both ended up sitting in the hallway looking at each other rather stunned.

So, what do you do? The logical thing to me seemed to explain to Sabine whenever she bit someone that A) She was biting and B) It hurt a lot! We would say, “Ouch! You bit me! That HURT!” and she would look sad and say, “Sowwy. Sowwy!” You could tell immediately that she was upset by the fact that she was upsetting someone else. We were on to something. We encouraged her to use her mouth in a gentle way – like kissing. And stopped the playtime if she couldn’t stop the dang biting.

A few days into this tactic I realized we were instilling bite inhibition in our child much as we did with our dogs, following Dr. Ian Dunbar’s methods of yelling “OW!” or something similar, encouraging a gentler “bite” and “losing the playmate” with continued biting. We were training our child like a dog, dammit! Although not intentionally, of course, but I guess when you spend years doing something one way it becomes ingrained in your brain somehow. Perhaps I need more parenting books. Or perhaps Dr. Ian Dunbar should write a parenting book. Hmmm.

Anyway, it’s working. There have been several instances in the past week or so when Sabine has gotten upset, opened her mouth like she was going to be me/Brandon/the couch/a toy/whatever and then suddenly STOPPED. She then says, “I wan bite. I kiss now,” and stops to give everyone kisses. I think that’s cool. I certainly don’t expect her emotions to disappear but watching her learn to control her frustrations and redirect them is a very interesting thing.

In summary, if training your child in the same manner you train your dog is wrong, I don’t want to be right. At least on this issue. I doubt I’ll have Sabine in an Easy Walk any time soon. Or a crate.

Much like her mama. I turn into a moron in a lot of social situations. I sit there thinking of something really cool to say for the convo and then, when it’s time to actually talk, I just blurt out something random and idiotic. Never fails. Once people get to know me they sort of embrace my randomness (I think … you guys do, right?) but when meeting new people it’s a little … off putting. In other words, it makes people think I’m a dork. Which I am.

Anyway … Sabine & I were at the grocery store the other day and we passed another mom and her daughter in one of the aisles. The other mom and I both stop our carts because our kids were seemingly fascinated with each other. The other little girl looks at Sabine and says, “Hi, baby! How you?” Sabine smiles at the other little girl and starts making what I can only describe as stammering/grunting type noises. Then she blurts out, “I HAVE A CLIP!” and points to her hair clip.

Yup. She does have a clip. And that is what she wants you to know, sweet conversational, little girl. Sabine just sat there smiling. The little girl looked at her kinda like, “WTF?” and then said bye. Sabine was fine with echoing back the “bye” part. But, man. I can so totally relate to that whole interaction. Sometimes I just yell out “I HAVE A CLIP!” too.

Hi, my name is Jenn and I am homozygous for the C677T mutation on the MTHFR gene. That means I have two of them … two mutations on the gene which can cause clotting issues and ineffective metabolism of Folic Acid and B vitamins. The lab report refers to it simply as “MTHFR”. I refer to it as (cover your virgin ears er, eyes) “the Motherfucker mutation”. It’s funny, right? It has to be, cause otherwise it’s a little too foreboding for my taste.

As you’ve probably guessed, my lab work came back. This was the only abnormality I showed (although I’m sure my family would beg to differ). I had some follow up lab work this morning to test my hymocisteine levels so that we’ll know what to do if/when I become pregnant again. Best case scenario I’d end up taking extra Folic Acid & B vitamins. Worst case scenario I’d end up doing Lovenox (blood thinner) injections in addition to those. Still, it doesn’t sound too bad, right? I mean, when I look at it with my rational mind it sounds easy. But when I let the hypochondriac in me loose I see words like “still birth”, “miscarriage”, and “pulmonary embolism” and think, “That shit really IS a MTHFR!”

Oh yeah – and it predisposes you to depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia. So the next time I’m having a panic attack about something and everyone is telling me to chill out & stop being a nutcase, I can just tell them that I can’t help it because it’s in my friggin’ genetic make-up. That’s kind of a relief, right?

I go back and forth between “OMG I’M GOING TO DIE OF CARDIOVASCULAR DISEASE AT 36!!!” and “hehe – This thing’s name is funny.” I’m pushing myself more toward the latter. But, it makes me wonder – how much information is TOO much? The last few weeks of my pregnancy with Sabine were craptastic, and the first few weeks of her life were rough, but other than that I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy and she’s pretty healthy. I breezed through my last pregnancy happy and care free because this wasn’t weighing on my mind. Part of me wishes I still didn’t know about this so I could breeze through another pregnancy.

Then part of me realizes I might not be as lucky this time. And it might be a blessing to know now what I didn’t know then. In other words – I’m really damn conflicted and resigned to rolling with the punches.

I think that’s probably the last I’ll talk about this here. Or much of anywhere. I feel pretty damn defeated over the whole thing and I want to get back to being a fun blog. I have funny stories to share … and some fun stuff I want to do in the upcoming weeks. But I needed to get this out of my head.

Random text convo that just took place:

Me – I just bought orange duct tape for HALLOWEEN!

Brandon – L-A-M-E!

Me – You’re just jealousE.

Brandon – What-ev’s.

It wouldn’t be so funny if we didn’t generally speak to each other like this, but we do.  In all mediums of communication.

I’m giving you this funny anecdote as a way of distracting you from my not so lovely news … TTC (that’s trying to conceive, for those not in the know) # 2 is on hold until mid-November.  My consulting (should be ‘insulting’) OB is a douche and I may have a blood clotting disorder.  Yes, these two things are related.  So, we’re holding off on anything until my lab work gets back … which should be before November 18th.  We hope.  Unless Brandon has his way.  Here’s another gem:

Brandon – “I am SO going to pregnify you before then.”

Me – “DUDE!  10 foot pole rule!  I could be like, Alexei.”

Brandon – “Huh?”

Me – “You know, the hemopheliac Czar’s son.  Or rather, the hemopheliac son of Czar Nicholas.”

Brandon – “Which would be WEIRD!”

Me – “Ok, my turn to ‘Huh?’”

Brandon – “Because ‘Nikolas’ is what you want to name our potential son.  And you’d be like, his son.  But his mom.  Which would make him his own grandpa.  Or something.”

See?  Totally distracted you again.  Now you’re all going, “Those two are funny.  Or maybe weird” instead of “Awww.  Poor things can’t even TRY to have another baby.  SUCKAHS!”

I’m going to take a note from The Bloggess today and make a list all about me.  I did this a while back on FaceBook, but I think it’s time to share myself with the entire world … which sounds way kinky, now that I think about it.  That’s not what I meant.  Also, on FB, I only did 25.  I’m going to *try* to make it to 50 this time.  Oh yeah – and The Bloggess did stuff she likes about herself.  I’m just doing stuff about me.  Whether I like it or not.  So I guess it’s not really the same at all but whatever.

1. I can function on very little sleep. Will I endlessly bitch about it? Yes. But I will keep on rockin’ and/or rollin’.

2. I drink like my dad. I prefer my coffee black, my wine red, my tea overly sweet, and my beer a’plenty.

3. I’m not 100% sure what I want to be when I grow up so I have a Top 5 list. One of the Top 5 is entirely impossible. One is attainable. The others most people would say are “silly”. I feel like I’ve thrown “astronaut” and “cowboy” on there.

4. My friends are really super cool. I have the most interesting and eclectic group of friends locally and across the country. You all make me a better person.

5. I like to eat. Often. And in large quantities.

6. In the past two years I have gone from being grammar stickler to throwing grammar rules out the window. Yeah, that’s my big flip off to the system. Rebel, rebel.

7. I like the way newspapers smell. I like the way the printing press smells better. But the smell I love the most is the smell of a paste-up board (Yes, they do have a smell), which sadly no longer exist, really.

8. I care more about what others think than I like to let on. I hate being hurt but I more hate others knowing they’ve hurt me.

9. I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom … OK, not really.

10. I am really super hungry and overly ready for lunch.

11. I like spicy food a lot. A lot, a lot.

12. Ok, I like FOOD a lot. In general.

13. I am fascinated by Quakers. I sorta want to be one.

14. I buy Amish cheese (even though Holly tells me not to).

15. I love my dogs. I have always said that my dogs were like children and people would tell me that would change when I had Sabine … but it didn’t. My dogs are still my babies and, if anything, I love them even more now as I watch their relationship with her develop. They’re siblings, after all!

16. I have never watched an episode of American Idol.

17. I can’t stand to be in a silent room. I almost constantly have music playing.

18. I wish I could play the clarinet. Its cool.

19. I suck at caring for plants. There is one in my office that has somehow survived me for nearly six years. Every other plant I have killed pretty immediately. I think Office Plant is a masochist.

20. I have a weird sense of humor that people don’t often get, so I spend a lot of time looking like a dork.

21. I actually AM a dork, too.

22. When I was little I used to read Encyclopedias cover to cover, as if they were novels. For Christmas when I was five I asked for a set of Encyclopedias. I still have them.

23. For my birthday when I was seven I asked for a Thesaurus (Told you – dork).

24. I don’t like nuts in sweets. Except for Baklava. That’s different.

25. I can still wear shoes from the kids’ department.

26. I have had a deer throw up on me.

27. I have a stuffed bear named Curtis Mayfield.

28. I keep a copy of Freakonomics hidden in my desk drawer for slow days because I like statistics THAT much.

29. I like to watch dorky things like American Masters on PBS.  I like it so much that I pay $5 a month to add PBS to our satellite.

30. I often perv out to DeCon architecture.

31. I think Tucker Carlson is a hottie.  Even if I have to watch him on mute.

32. I hate soup as a meal.  I like soup – it’s normally yummy.  But it needs like, a loaf of bread to go along with it and make it a meal.

33. Are we done yet?

34. I am in need of more coffee.

35. Now I have more coffee.

36. I still haven’t stopped thinking about food.

37. I WILL make it to 40.  At least.

38.  I’m wearing a new shirt today and I’m a little pissed that no one has told me how cute I look.

39. I’m almost done with this thing.

40. Now I am done.

What?  Those last five or so things ARE about me, so it’s not really cheating.

Sabine wasn’t exactly what people refer to as a “good” or “easy” baby … although I totally hate those terms and they make me want to shin kick the people who use them.  I would call her … spirited.  High maintenance, maybe.  A diva.  Yeah, diva.  She was colicky.  If you haven’t had a colicky baby you’re probably going, “Oh, that sucks” right now.  If you’ve had a colicky baby you’re probably going, “Sweet Jesus.  I’m so damn sorry.”  I remember being in the grocery store with her one day, in the sling, and she was actually sleeping instead of screaming.  A woman with a baby about six months old said to me, “Enjoy that sleepy phase while you can.”  I sat there thinking, “WHAT EFFING SLEEPY PHASE!?!” and started crying.  In the middle of Kroger.

During those first few months I was also dealing with PTSD/PPD from my c-section … which was awesome.  I don’t think I’ve ever written about the PTSD part on here before.  It’s not something I’ve been able to talk about much until recently.  I blogged a while back on the suckitude of c-sections … but then I pulled the post.  It made me physically ill to look at it.  Anyway, the first 3-4 months were hard.  I remember feeling more myself, and more like a mom, somewhere around Easter.  And, after that, motherhood was a BALL.

The point of all this is that, for the longest time, people would ask, “So when are you going to have another?” and I would think, “OH HELL NO!” with the early months still fresh in my mind.  But it’s true what they say – you start to forget the horrors after a while.  Or forget that the horrors were so horrible.  Now, I think I’m ready to do it again!

The problem is that there’s no in between for me.  Either I “don’t want a newborn, thank you ma’am”!  Or I “want a newborn right.this.second!  GIMMIE!”  Baby Fever has a hold of me and, is now, systemic.

So now, everything includes yet-to-be-conceived Baby #2.  For instance, if Brandon says, “Hey have you seen the new Equinoxes?” I will reply with, “I have!  You know who would look cute in it?  Sabine and the baby I’m not pregnant with yet.”  Or I might say randomly as we’re trying to fall asleep, “Brandon?  Would you like it if I moved the night stand to your side of the bed?  Cause I could do that to fit an Arm’s Reach on my side.”  My husband is going to go insane.  I realize that I am slowly driving him insane … but I can’t stop.  And yet, am I?  Really?

Yesterday I caught him watching YouTube videos of newborns.  Baby Fever is contagious.  And I believe I’ve effectively infected my husband.

On the “I want a baby immediately.  Bring it.  I mean it” tip – I did one of those lame baby name lists.  Feel free (translation: DO IT!!!) to vote and tell me how lame my names are.  Maybe I’ll even link it over to the left eventually so you can all tell me how much you hate the name “Brigid”.

But I want a Thermos snack container.  Ok?  Got a problem with it?  You shouldn’t … because they’re super rad and you can get one too.  Here’s the give away info, from TwitterMoms.

I don’t really know how these things work.  I’m not great at writing about things I’m told to write about.  I’m only good at being totally and completely random.  BUT, I tend to be able to follow directions (moderately) well so here we go.  Blogging about sneaking fruits and veggies into your kid’s food.

This is something I’m pretty good at.  Not because Sabine doesn’t like fruits and veggies, but because BRANDON doesn’t like fruits and veggies.  The answer to all life’s problems lies in The Sneaky Chef.  Ok, maybe not ALL life’s problems, but the life problems which involve husbands (and I guess kids) who eat nothing but pizza and tacos and spaghetti.  I swear I’m married to a 27 year old, y’all, but he eats like a four year old.  The Sneaky Chef makes that Ok though … because you sneak pretty tasteless veggie purees into boy, er, toddler food!  Totally stealthy, right?!

Here’s the other way I sneak fruits and veggies into my hus, er child’s diet … I lie.  “Does this have onions in it?”  “NO!  Of course not.”  See how easy life can be!?

So, there.  I think I did what I was supposed to do.  NO!  Wait!  I have to give you a link to LittleBlends from Horizon … which are like, yogurt thingies with fruits AND veggies mixed in.  And everyone I know who’s tried them says they’re delicious and don’t taste veggie-ish at all.  But I wouldn’t know because I live in podunk and we don’t get anything cool here.  But I still want a snack container.

I keep wanting to write this post about body image and being fat. Or being skinny. Or being short or whatever. But recently has kinda sucked. No, that’s not a typo. I mean “recently” as in “everything in the most recent period of time.” Has been sucking. Now kinda sucks still, although not as much as recently, but I’m ready to write now. I think.

So, Kelly Clarkson was on the cover of Self Magazine recently (which, let’s remember, sucks). She did an interview and basically said she didn’t give a shit what she looked like. Not in a BAD way. More in a “I’m happy with myself so I don’t give a shit what you people THINK I look like” kinda way. Which is pretty freakin’ awesome. She’s got a hell of a voice, and good hair, and she’s not perfect, but seems nice. Like a nice chick. But then Self magazine had to go screw the whole thing up by cutting off like, her waist and chin and arms and stuff on her cover picture.

Which leads me to my reaction … WTF, Self Magazine? You hired a chick who you knew wasn’t a size 0. You did an interview with said chick in which she talked about how hung up on her weight everyone else was … and how she wasn’t hung up. Then you SCALED HER DOWN DIGITALLY to fit in with your magazine image? No. Either let her be who she is or don’t book her. Don’t make her into something she isn’t and make other women sit around thinking, “Why do people get all hung up on Kelly Clarkson’s weight!? She is SKINNY!” when really she is a normal girl and there’s a HELL of a lot of us running around looking like normal girls. Who need to see other normal girls looking like normal girls.

And it’s not just Self. Roadrunner wanted to cut a bunch of scenes out of bad ass Amanda Palmer’s music video because they thought she looked fat. Bizarre. I have no idea who they think her fans are but they’re most certainly NOT people hung up on a dress size.

And I want to address this as a MOM … not only as a mom though, but as a woman. A woman who is a mom. To another woman. Or a girl who will one day be a woman. You know what I mean. I don’t want my child to grow up thinking she has to fit into someone else’s idea of “perfect”. I don’t want to feel like I have to fit into someone else’s idea of “perfect”. This could have been a super fantastic opportunity for Self to say, “You know what? There’s more to being healthy than being skinny. There’s more to being beautiful than being skinny. You aren’t perfect? Neither are we! Rock your unique body, girlfriend!” Although people probably don’t say “girlfriend” anymore because I say it, and if I say it, it’s probably not cool to say anymore. Whatever they say now, the message is the same – It’s OKAY to be a size 2. It’s OKAY to be a size 12. It’s OKAY to be a size 24. Just be YOU. Be the best YOU that you can be. Not the best Kelly Clarkson or the best Jenn or the best Gisele or whatever that skinny bitch’s name is. Just BE.

The problem with children’s programming is that it’s all stupid. Ok – so maybe that is oversimplifying things.

Let’s take Dora, for example. What is she – five, maybe? And yet, she runs around everywhere supervised by only a monkey. Even though she knows good and well there’s a fox lurking around who wants to gank her stuff. On what planet is that OK?

The Wonder Pets is well, just bizarre. There are entire segments about peeing. And I guess Nick Jr. had to push the “phonological awareness” off on another show since The Upside Down Show was canceled but really? The Wonder Pets, Nick Jr.!? Ming-Ming speaks with a LISP (nttawwt) which is like, the opposite of phonological awareness. I guess unless you’re trying to make children aware of the improper articulation of phonemes? Which I think is a little too advanced for them. Perhaps what Nick Jr. is actually trying to promote with the Wonder Pets is not, in fact, phonological awareness but rather irony?

And who died and made Ruby Queen of Max?

So, yeah. Kids’ TV sucks majorly. Except for Yo Gabba Gabba which teaches children the importance of not biting their friends. And really, what better lesson is there than that?